We are looking at what seems to be the inside of a unique-looking library; what the audience cannot see is that this library has an upstairs and a downstairs additionally and is a tree house besides.
It is early morning; it looks dark outside from the anteroom area to the right with a glimmer of light and maybe a couple birds in the background.
There is a loud pounding on the door.
From inside, nothing stirs.
The pounding continues and is louder.
Nada.
Now, the pounding comes with a voice: “This is the Federal Government! We come with official papers!”
A light from upstairs spills down the stairway to the left, along with some jazz music (old jazz ala Miles). A figure descends, pulling together a red satin robe, short on the skirt.
It is VELMA, 46, a sexy older lady with curves and the moves to best accentuate those curves. She vamps to the front door, turns on the outside light and peers outside.
“Federales, Miss, open up!”
“You got a warrant?”
“No.”
“Well, whatcha got?”
“We got papers.”
“Papers that don’t include a warrant?”
“That’s right. Just papers. For you, or your husband.”
“So what you waking us up for?!”
“Are you going to take the papers or aren’t you?”
“Well, I don’t know . . . tell me about these papers. Is it a prize? A check? A stack of coupons?”
“We’re buying your property!”
“Not if we’re not selling!”
There is another form on the landing, a man.
“What do they want, Velma?”
“They want to buy our land, Harry!”
“We’re not selling,” Velma says through the door. “That’s a quote from my husband in addition to my own which I gave you now get the funk off our--”
“May we come in?!” the Federale asks.
The man says yes, motions for her to let them in, and she does.
Two men in blue business suits enter, seize up the situation, and one of them hands Harry the sheaf of papers.
“We hereby declare this land bought by the City of Glennhead.”
“You can’t buy if I’m not selling!” Harry roars.
“Well, we can, actually. By dint of eminent domain.”
“You building a public building here?”
“No, we’re actually going to give it over to developers who are going to build high-priced condos on it. Now sign here, here and here.”
The 2 men suddenly disappear in a mild blue haze.
Harry turns to see a figure on the stairway coming up from downstairs. This is Elbert (el-bear), Harry’s father who lives in the basement.
Harry: “Now what did you go and do that for?”
Elbert: “I just sent them down the road! They were getting on my nerves!”
“I told you not to use the Body Beam on anyone outside the family! We can’t release it yet!”
“They had papers!” Elbert protests.
“Yes, and they were bad papers, too.” Velma puts in.
“OK, they were bad papers.” Harry agrees, looking down at the table now at them. “What should we do with them?”
Elbert brings up and electronic console above his waist and wades into the room. “Send them to Tulsa,” Elbert says, and the papers disappear in a mild blue haze.
“Now what do we do when the men come back?” Harry asks.
Elbert laughs. “They’ll be so bothered about suddenly ending up somewhere different they might not come back--at least not right away. But when they do, we pretend we never seen ‘em! Meanwhile, I’m going to go call our lawyer--eminent domain, my ass!”
Elbert departs.
Velma: “I’ll make coffee.”
The light comes on thru the doorway.
End of scene one.